We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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