The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
