I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
