I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
