I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
