How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
