girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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