So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Randomize
