I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
