Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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