hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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