is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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