he wants to bone in the snuggie
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
