I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
