Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
