I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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