i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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