i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
