All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
