No stitches, just platelets and will power
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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