My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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