Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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