I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
