We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
