Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
apparently the secret to your success is patron
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
