I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
