I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
