What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
