I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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