She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
