Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
