i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
