wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
