the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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