so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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