New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
