Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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