can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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