i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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