I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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