Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
