Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
