guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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