I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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