I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
