one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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