ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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