i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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