We're facebook friends in real life
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
