hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
