Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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