so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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