So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
