i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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