he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
